Work has been a comedy of errors today. My fingers hurt from typing. I think I'm going to go home and have a drink.

I wish I had something useful to say here, other than to use it as an exercise log and political rant jar. But really, nothing terribly exciting has been happening in my life. I've settled into a routine, and my biggest problems right now are I'm lazy and I'm not meeting new and interesting people.

I need to find new ways to engage.

-- Des

I've been bad about actually logging exercise in here.

Since my leg is still bugging me (WTF?), I've decided to give myself the week off of running and focus on upper-body strength. (If/when I resume next week, it'll be a walk/hike, not a run/hike, until I'm confident I'm not injured somehow.) This means (for me, at least), sit-ups and push-ups.

Today I managed 40 on-my-knees push-ups and 120 sit-ups in a half an hour. This is certainly much better than I was doing, say, a year ago during my previous attempt at exercise (when I was struggling to do 30/100 in 45-60 min).

I feel like I could've pushed harder today, but due to past rather negative experiences with strength-building, I'm taking that part of it slowly. I don't want to go into heavy mood swings again -- those are just Not Fun.

In other news, I didn't make it to Pride last weekend. :/ (Bad bi boy, I know.) But I did get a fair amount of stuff cleaned up around the apartment.

Also, my fingers are getting worse again. If this trend continues, I'm going in to the doc and asking for physical therapy. And I might need to make some arrangements with work, but we'll see.

Now, off to the shower!

-- Des

This whole thing stinks to high heaven. Imprisoning people indefinitely flies in the face of the Rule of Law, not to mention Due Process rights in the Constitution.

Our Constitutional Scholar president should be aware of, and understand this. If he chooses to ignore it, that will send a strong and very negative message about him and his administration.

The guy is starting to look more and more like an eloquent, slimier version of Bush. Bush, at least, was reasonably honest about what he was doing -- Obama, not so much. Obama so far has failed at living up to his promises on LGBT rights, and it seems likely he will fail again on more general civil rights -- such as the right to a fair trial.

It seems like the latter is one of the few things all Americans, Republican or Democrat, should be able to agree on. It is extremely disappointing that Obama seems to be ignoring this.

[Edit: I've added a link to Americablog's breakdown of the brief the Justice Department in federal court defending the Defense of Marriage Act in the text above. Please read it before commenting.]

-- Des

For both Monday and Wednesday. I've switched to an MWF schedule, and I'm trying to do stuff in the mornings to see if it makes my day better or worse. (So far, it's neutral.)

Monday was lowering-myself push-ups (so resistance on the down part, no up part), sit-ups, and Albany Hill. Did 10 push-ups, 20 sit-ups, and ran most of the way there and back (say, 40 minutes of active running or hill-climbing). I did quite well, and felt appropriately sore afterward (except for my abs -- I need to work on my sit-up form better, or something).

Wednesday--this morning--wasn't nearly as good. My legs/ankles were complaining of muscle fatigue almost from the start, so I didn't run nearly as much as I did on Monday. I ended up walking half the route home due to soreness. Had similar problems with push-ups, and I still haven't figured out what I need to do for sit-ups.

In short, my body's repair cycle seems to last longer than 48 hours. This does not bode well for doing an every-other-day schedule.

I've been told I need to have a concentrated stretching session on days off. I'll give that a try, but I was already stretching quite a bit yesterday, so I don't know.

-- Des

I left a comment on luphinus' post about the fur dealer at Califur, which he saw fit to delete. I'm reposting it here, along with his (similarly deleted) response.

[As a quick side note, I automatically repost things like that on the theory that if someone gets upset enough to actually delete it, it obviously had enough of an impact to make it worth keeping around. Plus, I'm not a fan of censorship in general, particularly where it concerns civil discussion. I won't delete comments in my journal--unless they are patently abusive, or spam--for this reason.

I thought about not posting it, as I don't want to spread drama. But, (a) I feel pretty strongly about the censorship thing, and (b) it's funny in a tragic sort of way. >.> I trust those of you who read this to treat it for what it is -- silliness.]

( Cut for drama and general stupidity. Don't bother reading if you don't care about the discussion at hand. )

-- Des

Didn't push as hard on Albany Hill last night as I usually do, as I haven't exercised in like a week (apart from some easy stuff helping out glaurungs_spawn last weekend). Completed that in maybe an hour, then came home, did maybe 5 attempts at push-ups and sit-ups (hard ones, though -- for push-ups I just lowered myself, kept my muscles engaged and counted to 5), then called it a night.

Thinking I should bump up the planned frequency, as about half the time I only seem to manage to get it done once a week. Maybe just try to do push-ups/sit-ups MWF and running/hiking TR, or vice versa. hmmm.

-- Des

So there was supposed to be a nice, long, excellently-formatted and well-laid-out post about the Prop 8 Supreme Court decision. Indeed, I did make some progress toward that end this past weekend, but well, this project has turned out to be rather time-consuming.

Also, work this week has started to seriously pick up (I think I put in a full 10 hours or so :p), and I don't expect it will get better until Friday.

I still want to write it up, because I think it's important and there are some interesting precedents being set that I want to explore. But unfortunately, it may have to wait yet another week. :/

We'll see...

-- Des

In an effort to clear out my browser tabs, I'm going to throw some interesting Proposition 8 links out here -- some of these I've collected from Twitter, or from friends, or weblogs, but all of them are worth reading. I linked to a few of them in my post yesterday, but I feel they're worth repeating here. I'll update this list as I find more.

Pam's House Blend: The Master's Tools (part 1)
Pam's House Blend: The Master's Tools (part 2)
This is an excellent article, in two parts, discussing homophobia in the black community, how homophobia is intertwined with race, and how all of this affects gay marriage. He also discusses the impact of Christianity -- how black churches foster a strong sense of life-long community while forcing LGBTs to stay firmly in the closet. It's written by a black gay man, who is married to his white husband.

Stop8.org
"Stop8.org monitors the news for coverage about civil marriage equality in California. We also produce original video and editorial content, and advise organizations on conducting online outreach."

Huffington Post: Evan Wolfson: Today is Freedom to Marry day - Just Don't Say "Gay Marriage"!
An editorial on why we should talk about the "freedom to marry", and not "gay marriage". His position is that asking for "gay marriage" makes it sound as if we're asking for something different than what straights already have, and lends credence to the opposition's assertion that we're asking for "special rights".

Marriage Equality USA
"Marriage Equality USA, is an all-volunteer, national non-profit organization whose mission is to secure legally recognized civil marriage equality for all, at the federal and state level, without regard to gender identity or sexual orientation."

Facts (from Let California Ring)
"Here is a brief summary of events that granted – and then halted and put into question – the legal right to marry for gay and lesbian couples in California, as well as a recap of similar efforts around the country."

Daily Kos: Read page 36. They just cut Prop 8 to the bone.
Daily Kos takes a look at the Supreme Court decision, and discovers some rather surprising implications for gay civil rights in what the justices wrote.

Ted Olson goes to court on behalf of gay marriage
A brief news article on the federal lawsuit that was filed to overturn Proposition 8, and why it was filed.

Pam's House Blend: The complex questions about the marriage equality movement and the Olson/Boies federal lawsuit
This discusses the federal lawsuit, and why or why not such a lawsuit right now is a good idea. The strategy thus far has been to avoid filing a federal lawsuit until Obama has had a chance to replace some of the justices on the Supreme Court with less conservative individuals. This lawsuit throws a monkey wrench in that plan, and we have to take a second look at our strategy in light of it.

Positive Liberty: Jason Kuznicki: The Prop 8 Decision
A brief, if somewhat more scholarly treatment of the Prop 8 court decision, and how it is a direct result of California and Progressive politics and ideology.

Pam's House Blend: When Love's Not Enough
When a good friend comes to dinner, and makes well-meaning but hurtful comments about marriage equality, how does one respond? How do we communicate with good Christians who just don't understand why legal recognition is important for gay couples?

Huffington Post: Stinson Carter: When the People Are Wrong -- A Son's Defense of His Father's Gay Marriage
A short personal story of acceptance as a family.

libba_bray: There is nothing wrong with you
Some thoughts about growing up in the Deep South, with a gay father who was outed while in the Army. She also discusses and refutes some of the arguments against marriage equality.

rainhopperroo: Roo is hurt
Another personal story, in which his husband died due to medical error. Without a legally-recognized marriage, he did not have the standing necessary to challenge the doctor's clearly incorrect diagnosis and get his husband the medical care he required.

-- Des

Back in November, when Proposition 8 won the popular vote, I wrote down some of my thoughts and feelings in the form of a letter to the State of California. At the time, I remember feeling angry, depressed, frustrated, and disappointed... and I share some of those feelings to a greater or lesser degree, now. I'm tired of being a second-class citizen, of living under a government that proclaims, "Equal rights for all! (Except for the gays.)".

I went to the protest in San Francisco on Tuesday. I did so because all those personal reasons aside, I have a duty to every LGBT person alive.

I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that a friend had to remind me of this duty. My excuse is that I am tired -- tired of being angry and frustrated and depressed, and tired of speaking to people who just don't understand that the current system hurts people--sometimes very badly--and feeling as though I'm banging my head against a brick wall.

Listen to me--there is nothing wrong with [us]. [We] are not sick, and [we] are not wrong, and God does not hate [us]. -- Milk

So I went, to be present and to add myself to the count of those willing to stand up for civil rights. I went to hear and discuss what's planned for 2010 and beyond; to help get ready for the battles ahead. I didn't go to protest the Supreme Court ruling -- it is what it is, and objections to it, at this point, are useless. In some respects, I think the Supreme Court had to make the decision it did, but I'll talk about that in another post.

I hope, time permitting, I'll be able to take a more active role this time. I know the best thing I can do is to out myself: "to live as an example of an out, successful bisexual man." My story, and the stories of countless other LGBTs--many of whom have endured discrimination of a nature far worse than I--need to be told. Our work is not done until no fewer than every single one of Earth's children understands the violence and hatred that is embodied in the meaning of the word "faggot".

Compassion is the most powerful instrument of all. It will stamp out anger, fear, and even hatred. We must share our stories, and we must be willing to listen to those shared with us.

Everything else will follow.

-- Des

Tuesday: The Prop 8 protest march was on Tuesday, so I used the opportunity to do quite a bit of walking around (net: from work near Embarcadero to the Castro). Didn't time it or anything like that, but kept up a good pace and burned a lot of energy.

Thursday: Relatively quick work-outy-thing at home since (a) I have a lot of other stuff to do, and (b) I kinda screwed up my food schedule, so I didn't have enough energy to push very hard. :/

I hate upper-body work. Hate hate hate.

Did like 40 ... sit-ups? crunches? whatever sit-ups are called when you don't have anything underneath your back at the bottom. Those were interspersed with 60 of a pushup-like motion against a wall (with the angle sufficiently unfavorable so as to force my muscles to do at least some work). High-energy dancing (probably at the level of jogging) at the beginning and end.

The whole thing probably lasted less than a half-hour. Arms are definitely tired, and I never can tell with my abs until the next day.

Also: I started to get a mild headache (which, I've learned, is my body's way of saying "STOP before you get fucked up"). It's food time.

-- Des

This was a surprisingly eventful memorial day weekend, for not having been planned in advance.

Friday night, yelang, blauzahl and I went out and grabbed dinner, and ended up going to an Ethiopian place that was quite tasty. I got to experience the wonders of Tej (all the alcohol you could want, with a sweet fruit-juice taste!), which got me mildly drunk after one glass.

Saturday, blauzahl and I were going to meet up with someone from KDE IRC who was in town (but bailed on us -- the silly person). Instead, netolu came up for the day, and we ran around getting lunch, and then went for an afternoon hike in Briones. (We started hiking at about 5, and got back to the cars around 7, 7:30 -- with over an hour of daylight left, no less!) That was fun -- we all got a couple hours' exercise in, and saw some pretty California Nature before heading into Walnut Creek (and Mel's) for dinner.

Sunday was a lazy day. If I did much of anything, I don't remember. I think I spent a lot of time cleaning, and recuperating from the craziness of the day before. I had intended to work on my note-taking app, but PyKDE decided not to work for some obscure reason I haven't been able to figure out.

On Monday, I drove down to Santa Cruz to visit glaurungs_spawn, since I missed seeing him on Saturday. (He'd come up for an unrelated thing, and our schedules just didn't sync up.) Because it's the two of us, we spent a lot of time looking at each other and going, "What do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" Finally, we started driving, heading up hwy 9 and into big basin, then back out along Bear Creek to hwy 17, before returning to his mom's house for dinner.

I think I covered something like 250 miles yesterday. (Add that in to the 160 miles from Sat, and I managed to put a whopping 410 miles on my car. :/) Most of yesterday's driving was insanely fun, though -- hwy 17 (at least, with little traffic) is always a treat to drive, and we found many twisty, fun, and sparsely-populated back roads heading through the Santa Cruz mountains.

After we made it back to his mom's and had dinner, we headed back down into town for Star Trek. I dragged him along, as I'm probably the only geek who had yet to see it. Well... I've seen it now. I'll reserve what I think about it for another post.

>>>

Now I'm sitting on the BART train, just pulling out of West Oakland, and realizing I probably didn't need to put on my fleece, as the Bay Area seems to have decided it's going to be warm today. There's a straight couple sitting up at the front of the train -- the boy seems very intent on making kissy-faces at the girl, who's looking everywhere but at him. He seems totally oblivious to this, chattering away while repeatedly kissing her on the cheek, her mouth, her neck, and who knows where else.

We're in the tube now, and the train driver just announced that we're travelling slowly because there's a train up ahead at Montgomery which is having issues. Hopefully they get the train cleared -- otherwise we'll get backed up behind Embarcadero in the tube, and that's never fun.

She's cuddling him now, though, so it must be all good.

-- Des

Albany Hill.

I punted -- either I started out too quickly, or I just wasn't fully recovered from my run on Tues. By the time I got to Pacific East my ankles/shins were hurting. Since I like not injuring myself, I decided to reduce to a walk and finished the route (up the hill and back down) walking.

Briefly considered making tonight an upper-body night, but honestly, my mood wasn't that great to start with, and punting certainly didn't help. So I'm gonna relax for a bit and get dinner.

On the plus side, I barely broke a sweat climbing the hill. When I first started doing this, I was usually panting by the time I got to the top. So... progress! Whoo! Or something.

I should probably make Tues be running, and Thurs be upper-body, or vice versa. I'm undecided. Eventually, I want to go to Mon-Wed-Fri, or Tues-Thurs-Sun, or something like that... but if today is any indication, that's a ways off yet.

I should start writing about my mental state, as well as my physical state in here again. Seems like I haven't done that in a while. Maybe because things are relatively quiet (or at least stuck) mentally, and the real "struggles" in my life at the moment are physical.

Speaking of which, my finger-joint pain has started to flare up again. I ordered a Kinesis keyboard for work (similar to the one I have at home), and ran around to three different stores today trying to find stress balls that I can squeeze to work the muscles in my hands more. Sadly, none of the stores had them. But I'm starting to get scared that I'm doing, or have done, long-term, permanent damage to myself already, and it's just a matter of falling back and falling back until a couple decades from now (when I'm, say, 40) I can't type anymore.

Call it a product of my mood, but these things worry me sometimes.

-- Des

Quickly, since bedtime is soon.

I skipped last week due to being in a bad (unmotivated) mood.

I did Albany Hill again, and this was the best one yet. 45 minutes of almost constant running/jogging/hiking up a hill, starting from outside my front door, and ending back there again. I think it's also one of my faster (if not the fastest) times for Albany Hill.

Had an energy bar before I left, and a glass of juice when I got back. I'm only just now sitting down to a light dinner (1 egg, with avocado and feta) before I read for a while and then sleep.

My headspace during the session was pretty bad -- going into angry, negative thought loops and dwelling there. But I seemed to recover fairly quickly afterward, and haven't noticed any lingering moodiness.

So I think I can call today a success. =)

-- Des

Went out for a walk this time--nothing strenuous--as I've had a sore throat for the past couple of days and I didn't want to push too hard. While I was out, I kinda felt like I wanted to push harder, but now that I'm back (and tired), I'm glad I didn't.

Went out to Eastshore this time, which is a lot more level than Albany Hill. It's a little... jetty, I guess, that juts out into the bay. So I was able to walk along the water, smell the sea breeze, and generally enjoy the evening. So I'm feeling pretty good, on the whole... sore throat notwithstanding.

I'd forgotten how much I enjoy being near the water. It's very calming, and a different feeling from accomplishing a hill.

It was a nice change.

-- Des

The usual hike/run routine. I think last time went better, but I feel more tired after this one. It was all I could do to drag my butt back from the hill walking. Was also soaked (literally, most of my T-shirt was soaked through) with sweat.

I tried fruit (a banana) last time, so this time I figured I'd try fruit+protein, in the form of Jamba Juice. It wasn't any better -- if anything, it was worse, because I didn't wait long enough and started getting cramps at the beginning. My body definitely responds better to fat and (more) protein, so the adage about drinking juice or Gatorade or whatnot before running just doesn't hold true for me.

The cramps were mild and passed fairly quickly, though. Even still, I was mildly light-headed for most of the trip up until the very end, when exhaustion took over and my brain stopped paying all but the barest attention to what my eyes were seeing.

I ran the latter part of the way out, and the first part of the way back. I dropped back mostly to walking while climbing the hill, as I was already pretty winded by this point, and then ran on the more gentle up/downslopes near the top. As I started running home, I could tell that if I kept pushing myself, I'd be risking moodiness later, so I dropped back to walking a bit before the halfway point.

My running this time was intervals, though -- walk for a couple minutes, then RUN hard until I started hyperventilating. Then slow down and keep walking until my body had made up the oxygen debt, lather, rinse, repeat. If the amount of sweat is any indication, that was a more intense workout, even though it only lasted 25 minutes or so.

I should note that at no point during this or last time did I have to stop and rest. I spent the whole trip moving, which is a good thing.

-- Des

I'm "supposed" to be writing about LFNW and my trip to Seattle (actually, Bellingham) last weekend, but blauzahl has already done that. [As an aside, I just navigated from the LJ post window, to her journal, to the correct post, then copy/pasted the link back into the post window using only the keyboard. Neat!]

I will write about LFNW, but later.

For the moment, I'm relaxing, chatting with a few friends on AIM, and enjoying the evening. I went hiking/running earlier, and now I'm content to sit, sip my juice and think about friends close and distant.

This weekend, I'll be heading up to Sacramento to enjoy the rain and friendly company. I'm looking forward to that.

-- Des

Did Albany Hill again. This time, jogged part of the way there, on and off up the hill, and most of the way back. I didn't keep exact time, but I'm guessing I was probably engaged for a good 35-40min, with occasional short breaks to say hi to cats and avoid getting trampled by deer, humans or other wildlife.

I ate a banana right before leaving work. That really wasn't enough -- I was definitely starting to get light-headed toward the end of the jog. Stopped at Lucky's on the way home to pick up an Odwalla with protein and dinner fixings. Still haven't eaten dinner yet, because the apt manager is supposed to come by in a bit and fix my bedroom blinds.

I'm a bit cranky, but not overly so -- nothing I can't handle. My reactive airways flared up a little, though -- I've had a semi-persistent cough since I came down off the hill. Hopefully it takes care of itself (but I should still drink water and grab a cough drop, to help it along).

>>>

I missed working out Tuesday. This was entirely my own fault -- I just slacked off. I'm considering trying to get myself up early and do it in the mornings along with my meditation on the theory that if I make it part of my morning routine, I'm more likely to do it and not slack off.

Hm.

-- Des

So yesterday (that's Saturday, for those of you who aren't reading this within the next hour or so), vokzal and I went laser-tagging in Golden Gate Park, of all places.

One of her friends was organising the event, which ended up with something like 50 or so people. There were maybe 6 teams, and we played Capture the Flag, rotating teams throughout the day so each team had about 4 15-minute games.

The location was excellent -- we were in a redwood grove straddling a gully, with bushes and paths going through. There was plenty of cover, lots of interesting terrain, and it was a big enough field that it took a decent amount of time to cross it.

They had headset radios for each team, and several types of serious laser weapons -- from small, short-range (but wider-beam) pistols, to long-range, narrow-beam sniper rifles. All were equipped with laser sights, making it very easy for even a n00b like me to aim. :D (You line up the dot and pull the trigger. The laser beam goes exactly where the dot is.)

Capture the Flag laser tag is very different from your standard melee -- it doesn't matter how many times you die, or how many kills you make. What matters is whether your team captures the opposing flag, which requires teamwork and communication. It was vastly more fun than any previous laser tag experience I've had.

Our team's tactical lead had been a member of the Israeli army at one point, so he was pointing out things that never would have occurred to the rest of us. One of the first things we did was establish radio conventions -- how to talk about things like location, distance, direction, etc. We had common names for various landmarks, and positions, and we spent most of our break time plotting strategy.

At the same time, other teams were much more laid-back -- some had little kids, and were just like, "yeah, charge!" and others (like mine) were more serious, more focused, more coordinated. I think I prefer the serious approach -- the game definitely takes intelligence and skill. I like having to coordinate with team members, work out battle plans, and adjust them on the fly. Just shooting at people holds little appeal for me.

In short, I had an absolute blast, and I'd totally do it again. :D

-- Des

Very quickly, as I'm eating dinner and playing videogames... >.>

Climbed Albany Hill again today -- alternated jogging with running for a half hour (likely more, as I jogged a bit on the way home during cool-down).

Ate an energy bar before leaving work, about an hour before going out. Dinner--well over an hour later--is an egg with lots of bell peppers, a few olives, some bacon and cheese.

I definitely feel like I pushed myself harder today than I have in prior sessions -- and my body seems to be responding well. I was dead tired when I got home, but my mood has been pretty stable. I think the meditation might also be helping there. (I should write a separate post about that, later.)

Alright... back to food! ::NOM:: :E

Edit: I forgot to mention, it's been a week since my last session, due to conflicting events. :/ Consistent schedules are hard to maintain...

-- Des

Dinner (chicken curry + rice) ~1hr prior

Jogging in-place (~10:00) [warm-up]
Sit-ups 50 (3:38) [above ground -- no backrest]
Push-ups ? (10:00) [elbows strictly at sides; 1/2 lever length -- from waist]
Sit-ups 20 (3:08)
Push-ups ? (5:00) [same as above]
Sit-ups 10 (1:30)
Dancing like a crazed squirrel (6:40) [cool-down]

Milk+cookie immediately after (to avoid glucose crash)

Discovered, to my chagrin (but not really surprise) that I can't do full push-ups using just my fore-arms (keeping my elbows strictly at my sides). A full push-up seems to require bringing my shoulders to bear. So I just did them from the waist, which was plenty hard in itself. :p I need to do a better job counting -- I was focusing all my attention on just making the movement correctly. :p

Wrists didn't bother me this time. I guess they've had sufficient time to heal from when I slept funny ... 3 weeks ago? Something like that.

Definitely gonna be sore in my forearms tomorrow. Left moreso than right, but that's not surprising -- my right's been getting a lot of work shifting gears in Shiro. Dunno about abs. I probably could've done more situps if I'd wanted to, but chickened out toward the end and was like, "I want this to be over". :p

The milk+cookie helped somewhat, but I'm definitely still noticing some moodiness creeping in. All you people who can get high from exercising -- you're lucky. I hate being cranky.

That said, I've been doing this for what, a week? (Inconsistently, at that.) Hopefully it will get better.

-- Des