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Still alive, and stuff. Although, I've noticed over the past couple… - The Desian Universe
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deskitty
deskitty
Des
Tue, Feb. 7th, 2006 09:33 pm
Still alive, and stuff.

Although, I've noticed over the past couple of weeks that my relationship with the Universe is becoming increasingly disharmonious. This, of course, leads to moments of depression, anger, etc.

I'm not exactly sure how to explain it. It's not a problem with what I'm doing, exactly ... or maybe it is, and I'm just not thinking far enough outside society's box. But it seems like more a problem with (once again) my perspective. Unfortunately, it seems like it's the kind of problem I can't really put into words.

I could phrase it any one of several different ways -- I could phrase it as a problem with anger, or a problem with acceptance, or mindfulness, or any number of other things. Or, I could phrase it in terms of things I could do to try to take a bite out of the problem -- meditate, exercise more, back down on work/GLBU, eliminate other extraneous things (like RSS feeds) from my life, get a roommate, make more alone time, ... the list goes on.

But those all only touch on small facets of "the problem" (whatever it is), and do so inaccurately, at that.

In any case, maybe if I do some of those things, and make habits out of them (hah ... I can't form habits to save my life :p), I'll be able to better see what I need to change/do.

Today is one of those days when I think coming down from the trees really was a bad idea. :p

-- Des

Current Mood: uncomfortable uncomfortable

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faerylore
faerylore
faerylore
Wed, Feb. 8th, 2006 07:19 pm (UTC)

They do kind of sound like treating the symptoms and not the problem... though if you do some of those things, and make habits out of them I would think that getting a roommate might be counterproductive to finding time for yourself. Rommies I've found, always want to help you waste your time doing crap with them... and if you don't, they soon grow to resent it. Unless you found someone equally antisocial. But those people tend to live alone as soon as they can manage it.

On the plus side, Josel told me today in passing that we're doing arts and crafts tonight in GLBU (though you probably already knew that). Yay! It's offically time to be anal-retentive and obbsessive-compulsive again! I hope we have glitter again. I had an actual class in there last quarter and it was fun to see how long that stuff lasted on the floor (for the record, I think it's still there).

And I suppose it's normal to feel outta sorts with the universe... we are spiralling away from the rest of it. Dizziness is to be expected.
L


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deskitty
deskitty
Des
Thu, Feb. 9th, 2006 12:16 am (UTC)

They do kind of sound like treating the symptoms and not the problem...

Yes... but the idea is that they will get me into a better state of mind, and thus help me figure out what the "real" problem is.

I would think that getting a roommate might be counterproductive to finding time for yourself.

Yes. But it would also prevent me from getting spontaneously lonely, and give me a bit more hopefully-meaningful human interaction.

On the plus side, Josel told me today in passing that we're doing arts and crafts tonight in GLBU (though you probably already knew that). Yay! It's offically time to be anal-retentive and obbsessive-compulsive again!

Actually I haven't really been paying attention ... I didn't make it to the planning meeting last week because I had school stuff going on.

I hope we have glitter again.

OOOOH! Glitter! Damn, I should've brought my black nail polish with me. Oh well. :p

And I suppose it's normal to feel outta sorts with the universe... we are spiralling away from the rest of it. Dizziness is to be expected.

::giggles::


ReplyThread Parent
stargazr417
stargazr417
Jesse
Thu, Feb. 9th, 2006 03:50 am (UTC)

Aww...it sucks to feel like that, though. I think I know what you mean, though.

About the roommate thing...I was thinking back to when we were discussing how hard it is to live with someone. And yet, at the same time, I know how you feel, being lonely. It's one of those delicate balances between having enough time for yourself and yet having companionship of some sort. Is there ever a happy medium with that? I don't know. It seems you and I are somewhat alike in that respect. We crave alone time but at the same time the loneliness gets to be too much.

Anyway, I'm thinking of you, and I hope you feel a little better today. Sometimes things just get overwhelming, but then, when you aren't really paying attention, they have a way of getting better.


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deskitty
deskitty
Des
Thu, Feb. 9th, 2006 07:45 am (UTC)

Is there ever a happy medium with that? I don't know. It seems you and I are somewhat alike in that respect. We crave alone time but at the same time the loneliness gets to be too much.

It doesn't seem like there is. I know I swing wildly from one minute to the next... there doesn't really seem to be any "balance" to it, other than the balance I force on it of "well, I may be feeling that way now, but it's only temporary, so I'm just going to ignore it until it goes away in five minutes".

Anyway, I'm thinking of you, and I hope you feel a little better today.

Thanks. :) There were some positive bits in the world today, which I might post about later. One sometimes finds compassion in surprising places.


ReplyThread Parent
spooned
spooned
always the volume always the words
Fri, Feb. 10th, 2006 12:21 am (UTC)

do you ... uh ... need a roomate? I love living with people. But in the same way that relationships often go, if you see too much of them (freshman year of college, four girls, two bedrooms, one bathroom, one track team, more melodrama and hormonal upset than you could shake a stick at) or if you don't see them enough (this year, one lonely cowboy-type Fire Engine Operator with good taste in movies and a lot of other projects to work on equals me at home after work watching The Motorcycle Diaries for the fifth time and sleeping a little less soundly because I'm out in the middle of NOWHERE and mister cowboy pants, who knows HOW to use a gun and HAS several guns, should marauding sasquatch or crazy psychos invade, is off doing his cowboy thing somewhere else. Goddammit, it's scary in the woods at night.) but I digress. It doesn't always work, but usually someone with the right mix of interest in you and no interest whatsoever in what you do is the best bet. (Sophomore year of college, alcoholic with a softball problem, as the cliche goes, her own room, her own love life, her own sport and more Jack Daniels than you could shake a stick at.) Not that guns and booze are the answer to anything, I'm just saying...


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deskitty
deskitty
Des
Fri, Feb. 10th, 2006 06:37 am (UTC)

I don't really need a roommate. In fact, a roommate would probably complicate life... I threw that in there mainly as a pseudo-solution to my spontaneous bouts of loneliness. (Really, I think the solution is to just get the fuck over it and try to become a more complete human being so I don't NEED other people around to satisfy my selfish whims.)

Not that guns and booze are the answer to anything, I'm just saying...

They're not? Damn, that must be what I've been doing wrong...


ReplyThread Parent
faerylore
faerylore
faerylore
Fri, Feb. 10th, 2006 08:55 pm (UTC)

Dude you like in Atascadero... you're entitled to make (or force, if necessary) guns and booze the answer to everything. It comes with the territory... kicks in right after you get pass the grade...
L


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