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deskitty
deskitty
Des
Thu, Oct. 16th, 2003 10:53 pm
Blah Blah Blabity Blah

I think I know what my (latest) problem is...


I'm restless again. All the signs are there... I'm thinking about things I want to do, and getting frustrated. I changed my window manager, yet again. I'm driving way too fast and taking too many chances on the freeway (or I was, until I noticed that and stopped it). And I'm spending way too much money on frivolous shit that I probably don't need (like upgrading to 5 static IPs instead of 1 dynamic... 3 of which I already have a "use" for...).

Right now I'm just kinda...blah. I've been "blah" for the past couple of weeks. I've been procrastinating, too (you'll note there still isn't a post about last weekend). I've been ranting about pointless shit, and mostly keeping my brain on autopilot.

I'm checked out of school. I haven't been paying attention to my homework, or to any of the other menial tasks that seem to define my day-to-day existence. (The layer of grime on my bathroom counter is about an inch thick now...) I've been coming home in the afternoons (often at 13:30, depending on when my last class is) and doing...what? Not schoolwork, certainly. Usually just moping around online, or talking to random people on AIM. Or tweaking my machine's configuration.

I haven't even been out looking for a job. Truthfully, I don't even know where to start. All the jobs I've had are jobs that have pretty much fallen into my lap, mainly through personal contacts. I'm going to have to call my dad up this month and be like, "Dad, I need more money, because I don't have a job yet...", and when he asks why, I'm not going to have a satisfactory (to me) answer to give him. I'm going to have to say, "uhh, well...I just haven't been looking...".

Downtime is good, but like uptime, too much of it can become unhealthy. I don't know, though; I guess my current form of downtime is preferable to any uptime I might have. At least, it seems that way.

Tonight is the first night I actually did anything resembling homework. I was proud of myself. It's nowhere near done (and due tomorrow)... but I'm making progress. I think I can finish it before class.

Right now I'm just...here. Not really frustrated, or depressed (I've been mildly both of those things over the past couple of weeks), but not particularly happy or upbeat, either. I'm just existing; which is neither bad, nor good.

Hah... I'm not even romantically/sexually motivated. But then, that was never the real problem anyway.


In a word: Blah.

-- Des

 22:53:28 up 20 days,  3:35,  2 users,  load average: 0.02, 0.01, 0.00

Current Mood: blah blah

8CommentReplyShare

teskomayaku
http://minty.isurf.ca
Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 04:02 am (UTC)

you bitching about the exact same thing every time you post a long bitch post.


ReplyThread
deskitty
deskitty
Des
Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 09:34 am (UTC)

So don't read the long bitch posts.

It's behind an lj-cut for a reason.


ReplyThread Parent
teskomayaku
http://minty.isurf.ca
Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 02:19 pm (UTC)

but i have to read them. its like a trainwreck... you know you shouldnt look, but you just feel compelled to!


ReplyThread Parent
northing
northing
North
Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 09:28 am (UTC)

"Downtime is good, but like uptime, too much of it can become unhealthy."

I think that is a pretty astute observation. Its all about the balance.

I sure hope my pathetic attitude hasn't rubbed off on you. I'd hate to know that I was bringing you down.


ReplyThread
deskitty
deskitty
Des
Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 09:37 am (UTC)

Eh. My attitude is the result of cynicism towards school (and education in general) that has been building up for a loooooong time. It has little to do with you, and more to do with the fact that my own life just doesn't interest me anymore, because it's centered around "education". And the education that I'm getting is, well, ass.


ReplyThread Parent
happy_christian
happy_christian
Stephanie
Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 11:08 am (UTC)

I know I've done this like 3 times today, but here's another one.. *hugs you tight* Maybe you and I need to swap. I was feeling like that for a while and now I'm motivated and all that really tiring stuff. Wanna swap? *chuckles* Just reamember you're in my thoughts. *nods*


ReplyThread
deskitty
deskitty
Des
Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 03:16 pm (UTC)

Hehe...

Must work on my motivation levels. Which probably won't be accomplished by sitting around in the computer lab doing absolutely nothing.


ReplyThread Parent
happy_christian
happy_christian
Stephanie
Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 03:51 pm (UTC)

Well I'm sending you some of my energy, cause I have more than enough to share. Especially right now when I'm down and out temporarily, til I get better. *chuckles* *hugs*


ReplyThread Parent