The Desian Universe

Heel and Toe

2009-11-05T16:41:11Z

Woohoo! I managed to accomplish my first heel-toe downshift in Shiro yesterday.

I even managed to repeat my success a couple times more during the day. The amusing thing is I was smoother on heel-toe than I have been recently on normal downshifting... O.o

Everytime I change my driving style to be more race-like with Shiro, he seems to get happier. >.>

-- Des

Boredom, Disney Trips and the Meaning of Life

2009-10-30T17:47:42Z

I had a rare chat with northing last night. Every time I talk to him, I'm reminded of why I value his friendship so much. He always asks me insightful questions that nobody else does.

This time, he asked me about my mission in life. I really don't have one. I gave the subject a lot of thought a while back, but couldn't find something that wasn't in some way arbitrary. So I settled on the appropriately-vague "make the world a happier/better place", and have contented myself with doing whatever seems right in any particular moment.

But as any regular reader of this journal knows, I'm ... bored a lot of the time. I go to work, I do a job that's fun but not fulfilling, and then most evenings I come home and sit around on IM until it's time to go to bed. Part of the reason for the latter is that work does take a lot of effort, and on most nights by the time I get home, I'm in no mood to do anything constructive.

I've contented myself with making trips to Disneyland, or trips to visit friends in various parts of the state. Those are enjoyable, and if I'm making trips almost every weekend in a given month, it's almost enough. :)

The other thing I complain about a lot in here, and on the phone with friends, is that I don't feel I have much of a social life locally. That has actually improved slightly in the past month or two -- I see yelang once every couple of weeks or so, and glaurungs_spawn almost every week when I go down to Sunnyvale. (I find it a bit depressing that my social life only seems to improve when I'm in the South bay, but that's another post.)

And that leads me to North's next question: Why is it that I feel such a strong need for companionship? Why do I want a regular, close group of friends to hang out with?

I have an easy answer to that one: it makes me happy. One thing I have always had a strong appreciation for is interpersonal relationships -- it gives me an indescribable amount of pleasure to spend time with a friend, one whom I know very well, and be able to appreciate all the little nuances, mannerisms, banter, etc. that is unique to the two of us alone. Every friend is different -- unique and special.

I have a strong appreciation for that uniqueness, an appreciation that only grows stronger the longer I've known someone.

I like seeing people happy. I like making them happy. When they laugh, and when I can laugh with them, I feel like it all means something.

-- Des

Questions

2009-10-14T19:36:08Z

I often find myself wishing that I had someone, or multiple someones, of whom I could ask any question at all and get a comprehensive, unambiguous and correct answer.

I wonder if that's why we invented religion.

-- Des

First Rain

2009-10-13T17:09:50Z

The first rain of the season is happening while we speak -- a strong start in the form of a torrential downpour, leaving everything soaked. Rain has been dumping out of the sky continuously since I awoke at 7:30, and only now has it let up somewhat.

I have a raw, sore throat (even after 2 Ibuprofen), and until the Sudafed kicked in, gallons of snot clogging my sinuses. It seems the first cold of the season beat the first rain of the season by a day. :) But I'm thankful it didn't hit until after I returned from Disneyland.

Despite my cold, or perhaps because of it, I'm calm and happy.

-- Des

9/11

2009-09-11T18:34:01Z

Everything I said before about 9/11 still applies today.

(Yes, I'm looking at you, people with your "God Bless America" signs on the freeway overpasses.)

I think this country has not learned (or has forgotten, even) the lessons available about treating ourselves and other countries with basic decency and compassion, about respecting the rule of law, and about applying our laws and values fairly, justly, with an appropriate level of restraint.

9/11 presented us with an opportunity to learn those lessons, and some of us did, but many of us chose not to.

In either case, let's move on already.

-- Des

So y'all are gonna laugh, but I bought a Mac.

2009-09-09T19:40:30Z

You read that right, and I'll say it again just so the point sinks in -- I bought a MacBook Pro on Friday.

No, I'm not sick. Yes, I'm in my right mind. And yes, I do still think Apple is evil, the Mac UI is annoying, and Steve Jobs needs to get smacked with an open-platform cluebat. I still won't buy an iPhone or an iPod, and I won't use iTunes, either. I still believe that if I buy a piece of hardware, I have the Dog-given right to run whatever the hell piece of software on it I feel like.

So what gives?

Well, first off I want to correct a commonly-held misconception: I am not an operating system zealot.

I believe in using the best tool for the job. I have strong opinions about what tool that is, depending on the job in question. (Dev = Linux, Games = Windows, boring everyday shit = Mac) And I categorically reject the notion (espoused by the Free Software Foundation) that proprietary software is inherently bad or somehow immoral. (Indeed, I feel the FSF is acting somewhat immorally--or at least disrespectfully--by trying to shove their particular brand of "freedom" down everyone else's throats.) I feel there are a whole host of PRAGMATIC reasons to choose Open Source over proprietary software, and I'll discuss those below. But I have no problem with proprietary software as such.

In my case, there are a number of fairly compelling, pragmatic reasons for buying a new machine, and a Mac in particular. First, I need a new laptop -- I discovered a while back that my current machine eats (and I do mean EATS) laptop batteries, so I effectively have no laptop. Having a mobile computer is important to me, because I like to travel on the weekends and need a machine I can take with me. Also, the importance of getting a server machine has diminished, because I'm trying to stay away from the computer while I'm not at work -- I just can't afford to use my hands that much anymore if I still want to be able to type in 20 years.

So why a MacBook, instead of a Linux laptop?

Honestly, there is a certain class of problems for which the Mac is better than any other system out there. I'm thinking here of bread-and-butter PIM, mail, chat, etc. The Mac is a package deal in the sense that you buy it once, it works (almost) out of the box (well, except when it breaks, in which case you're screwed, but I digress), it's pretty, and everything is really nicely-integrated. I can sync my Google and Exchange accounts, (yet keep them separate -- work doesn't get to know what I do on the weekends). I now have a (mostly-)full set of Outlook tools that doesn't make me want to stab my eyes out with a spork. Safari is a respectable browser, and I can get Firefox if I need it. Adium has an interface superior to any other IM client, on any platform, that I've seen so far.

Linux, even KDE (which is by far the best of the bunch) doesn't come close to this. Exchange support is being worked on for KDE 4.4 (thanks, greeneg!), but the CalDAV stuff for syncing Google Calendar doesn't work, and there's no way to sync the address book. And forget pushing my contacts to my phone. Linux has no idea what to do with Bluetooth, let alone a RAZR, and I don't feel like spending an entire weekend figuring it out.

Now, all of these problems are fixable. But the focus of KDE, in particular, seems to have shifted from "bread-and-butter make-it-work so I can get my shit done", to "pretty-shiny desktop widgets and social networking". I've never been much for social networking (except the kind that you do yourself), and while the desktop widgets are pretty-shiny, they spend most of their time on my desktop, buried under windows in which--you guessed it--I'm doing actual work.

I guess I feel the KDE project has lost its way.

It seems like everyone is focusing on this Plasma thingy to the exclusion of relatively boring programs that do something useful. Kopete is limping along -- every time Yahoo changes its protocol, Kopete can't log in for a few weeks until one of the developers has time to port the relevant change over from Pidgin's libpurple. The UI is better than Pidgin's, but still clunky -- and hasn't seen any major work since the contact list was re-written. KMail has turned into a massive pile of spaghetti code which may or may not lose your mail if you try to use, e.g. offline IMAP. It has a superior user interface (I'm sorry, Mail.app just doesn't do threading right), but under the hood, I question its stability. Konqueror is based on KHTML, which is fine, but now we have developer infighting over whether it should switch to WebKit or not. (The infighting is a waste of time -- maintain both, let them fight it out, and then kill off whichever is inferior.) Its JavaScript engine hasn't kept up in terms of speed or functionality, and it too is becoming more of a maintenance nightmare.

If we move down the stack, we get to Qt and X11. Qt is well-maintained, clean, etc. -- though it should be, it's now owned by Nokia. The graphics and audio stacks are a different story, however. X11 is plagued with driver problems and instability -- we have several different acceleration architectures that all do the same thing (and do it badly -- in a lot of cases, it's actually faster NOT to accelerate), and we're shoehorning all of this into a windowing system that was badly-designed when it was written 30 or so years ago, nevermind today. (Never try to write raw Xlib code, BTW. It really, really sucks.) We have the PulseAudio, ALSA and GStreamer religions, in which everyone is having a bad case of Not-Invented-Here syndrome, loudly arguing back and forth while the whole multimedia stack suffers. Even Qt itself has now sprouted multiple multimedia frameworks that do almost the same thing.

Moving even further down, the kernel itself is rock-solid. I have very few complaints, other than to ask the kernel developers to make sure they support the desktop people as well as they can. Linux is damn good at the "bread-and-butter" of the server room -- networking, storing data, and hardcore computing (peg those CPUs, baby!). I've always relied, and will continue to rely on Linux for safely storing my shit. XFS (and soon, btrfs) just kicks the pants off of HFS+ in terms of scalability (and probably reliability, though I don't know).

Linux is also a much better development environment, for the simple reason that its UIs (well, except for GNOME, but why the hell would anyone use that?) are customizable to a fault. Want focus-follows-mouse with a key-press to raise and lower windows? No problem. Or maybe a text editor (Vim) so powerful it was ported to Mac and Windows? Sure. Want to peg the CPU and fill up your RAM *without* your system falling over? Linux does better at that than Mac has so far (for me, at least).

In the OSS world, there is no such thing as an "undocumented" protocol or API -- even if the documentation is inadequate, you can read the source. (Yes, I've actually done this. No, it's not nearly as hard as it sounds. If you can't read other people's reasonably-structured code, you shouldn't be writing it in the first place. =P) And BECAUSE you can read the source, you have the built-in assurance that your data won't be locked away in some proprietary format that's impossible to read because it depends on some implementation-specific detail hidden away in Microsoft Excel 5.0.427-6b for the Mac. (Well, it might be, but you can still figure out what the hell is going on.) In the OSS world, it's to the developer's ADVANTAGE to make their formats and protocols open and easy to read -- it encourages people to use and work on their project.

So to the extent that I'm concerned about keeping my data safe, I'm not going to trust the Mac. It will be synced frequently with the Linux box, and the Linux box still gets to do backups and be the authoritative storage point. I'm still a KDE user--particularly at work--and while I'll be happy to see Mac ports of KDE apps, I'm still planning on using some of them, even on my old machine. I can't live without KMyMoney, which is almost exactly what I want in a finance program, even if the UI's a bit awkward. Digikam also does an excellent job at managing my images, and I'm not sure I'd trust iPhoto with the task.

But the reality is, KDE is diverging from what I need in an "everyday" (web, IM, Mail, etc.) desktop environment, and OSX is getting closer. I don't have the time, the energy, or the muscles and tendons (in my hands :P) required to fix the problem, and there's a lot more work than one man can do, anyway. I really, really hope this gets fixed soon, but we're up to KDE 4.3 and it doesn't look like it will be.

Don't get me wrong -- I still like KDE and I want to see it succeed. I'm still going to follow trunk and help out where and when I can. (Maybe I can help test KDE/Mac. :D) But right now, for a laptop that primarily does everyday kinds of things, a Mac suits my needs better.

-- Des

Communcation: It's about state of mind, not ideas.

2009-09-03T06:55:16Z

It dawned on me last week--and I can't shake the feeling that I knew this already, but what the hell, I'll write about it anyway--that communication isn't so much about presenting ideas or abstractions to other people, as it is about creating a certain desired state in their minds. Effective communication is inherently persuasive; not only does the recipient understand the idea, he groks it -- the idea, and the reasoning supporting it, become intuitively obvious.

I stumbled on this at work, actually. Without going into too much detail, we regularly have group meetings in which we come together and discuss our ideas for designing and implementing whatever the hell it is we're working on. In those meetings, there are often several competing ideas on the table. The result, while often a synthesis of all of them, is usually heavily influenced by one "primary" idea.

I'm going to ignore, for the moment, the cases where I'm wrong because they're much less interesting. :D In cases where my idea turns out to be the "right" one, however, one of three things usually happens: (A) we spend a lot of time arguing back and forth, passionately stating our positions and poking holes in others', until finally they all give up and admit I'm right; (B) rather than stating my position outright, I just start asking questions until the others arrive at my idea on their own; or (C) the idea is so simple and obviously correct there's not that much discussion about it.

[Just in case anyone missed it, there are plenty of times when I'm wrong. But, well, this is my journal and my thoughts, so. Substitute "person X, where person X is right" for "me" if you like.]

If it wasn't immediately obvious, options (B) and (C) are far less painful (and shorter!) than option (A). In the past, I've rather cynically posed option (B) as, "Slip them the idea, and let them think they thought it up." But I got to wondering, why does that work so well?

Obviously, being less confrontational allows the other party to be more receptive to my ideas. But it's just as obviously more than that, because even in a non-confrontational educational setting, asking (sometimes-leading) questions allows the student to attain a greater understanding than simply presenting information or requiring memorization. (Indeed, this is why homework exists, and why good teachers ask questions during class.)

So there's something more to it, even beyond how one presents the information, and I think it has to do with the end goal.

If my goal in communicating is to get someone to agree with me that assertion X is true but assertion Y is not, I will inevitably wind up in situation (A). That's because from the very beginning, my motivation is confrontational -- I've already set up the conditions for the confrontation in my mind, and all that remains is to act them out. If I'm lucky, the person will get dragged, kicking and screaming, into begrudgingly agreeing with me. Even if they agree, they may not fully understand the reasoning or the perspective behind my position.

If, however, my goal is to demonstrate my reasoning, and to provide the same context and conditions under which I arrived at my position, the atmosphere of confrontation is much less pronounced. By posing the right questions--sometimes the very questions I wrangled with in reaching my position--I'm posing a challenge they will naturally try to meet. I'm giving them an opportunity to reach a conclusion, possibly different from and maybe even better than mine, without forcing one upon them. They will naturally walk through the same or a similar thought process, and arrive at or near my position almost as a side effect.

By changing my goal--my own internal motivator--I've altered the thrust of my own action, which in turn alters the other's response, leading to an overall more favorable outcome. It's a neat little bit of karma.

Now that I've figured this out, I intuitively know how to apply it, but I'm not sure how to distill it into something simple. Maybe I can't. (But that's the other thing -- simple, clear communication is often more effective than long-winded, rambling LJ posts. ;P)

What's your experience? Got any good examples? (Maybe I'll post a contrived one later, hands permitting.)

-- Des

Because everyone else is doing it

2009-08-31T06:05:41Z

LAST...
1. Last beverage: Water
2. Last phone call: iamweasel_2112, to sync up for dinner
3. Last text message: glaurungs_spawn, sending me fire pics
4. Last song you listened to: Dunno, something on last.fm
5. Last time you cried: I honestly don't remember. Sometime vaguely recently, probably depression-related.

HAVE YOU EVER…
6. Dated someone twice: Nope
7. Been cheated on: Nope
8. Kissed someone & regretted it?: Yeah.
9. Lost someone special?: hmmm... in a manner of speaking, I suppose so.
10. Been depressed?: Oh hell yes.
11. Been dumped?: Yup

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Red
13. Green
14. Blue

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: Yes
16. Fallen out of love: Nope
17. Laughed until you cried: Yes
18. Met someone who changed you: Unfortunately not
19. Found out who your true friends were: I've always known who they are.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: I just assume people are always talking about me ;)
21. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list: Yup
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: I don't know. Maybe about half?
23. How many kids do you want to have: Zero.
24. Do you have any pets: Nope
25. Do you want to change your name: No
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Moved into my current apartment :p
27. What time did you wake up today: 10
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Driving home from house-hunting (yes, really, at midnight.)
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: I'm a very patient cat. :)
30. Last time you saw your father: Yesterday
32. What are you listening to right now: My CD burner spinning
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes
34. What’s getting on your nerves right now?: My neuroses, as usual. :3
36. What's your real name: Josh
38. Zodiac sign: Libra
39. Male or female: Male
40. Elementary: My dear Watson!
41. Middle School: What's that?
42. High school: Musical!
43. Hair color: Brown
44. Long or short: long. Unless the number is less than 2¹⁵-1, in which case: short.
45. Height: 6'
46. Do you have a crush on someone?: If by "crush" you mean "deep and abiding love and affection for someone", then yes, multiple people.
47. What do you like about yourself? All sorts of stuff.
48. Piercings: Nope
49. Tattoos: Nope
50. Righty or lefty: Left

FIRSTS :
51. First surgery: Wisdom teeth
52. First piercing: None
53. First tattoo: None
54. First best friend: Becca
55. First sport you joined: what?
56. First pet: Dickens and Bissy (both cats)
57. First vacation remembered: I dunno, there were so many...
58. First concert: uhhh.
59. First crush: This girl in the 4th grade.
60. First love: Jackie. (She later--much later--went on to marry another Mormon.)

RIGHT NOW:
61. Bored
62. Boredom
63. Boring
64. Boreding
65. Filling out this meme

YOUR FUTURE :
66. Want kids?: Nope
67. Want to get married: Maybe, if the right person comes along.
68. Careers in mind?: The one I've got now. (Except maybe a manager/tech lead. That would be interesting.)

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE (OR SAME) SEX?
69. Lips or eyes: Both.
70. Hugs or kisses: Both.
71. Shorter or taller: A little taller
72. Older or Younger: Neither
73. Romantic or spontaneous: Yes.
74. Nice stomach or nice arms: Both.
75. Tattoos or piercings: eh, take 'em or leave 'em. Only as long as they're tasteful.
76. Sensitive or loud: Both, at appropriate times.
77. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
78. Trouble maker or hesitant: Both. (Detecting a pattern here?)

HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger: Yup
80. Fell on the head: No
81. Lost glasses/contacts: I never had them to begin with.
82. Had sex on first date: Does a one-night stand count?
83. Broken someone’s heart: Maybe. If so, not intentionally.
84. Had your own heart broken: Yes
85. Been arrested: No
86. Turned someone down: Yes
87. Cried when someone died: Yes
88. Broken a bone: No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself: Evidently; I'm here, aren't I?
90. Miracles: I try not to believe in anything.
91. Love at first sight: See above.
92. Heaven: See above.
93. Santa Claus: See above.
94. Angels: See above.
95. Kissing on the first date: How is this a belief?

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: I hate to admit it, but... yes. >.>
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?: No
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? It's possible. I've no idea how likely it is.
99. What’s the one thing you cannot live without?: My liver. (Or really, any of my other vital organs.)
100. Posting this as 100 Truths?: Yes

-- Des

AT&T vs. 4chan

2009-07-28T17:50:47Z

So normally I don't side with ISPs on issues like this, but in this case AT&T did the right thing in blocking 4chan. 4chan was sending traffic specifically intended to disrupt some users' access to the rest of the network, so AT&T was perfectly justified in blocking them as it did.

Yeah, they could've communicated better about it. But the /b/tards were being, well, /b/tards, and earned their blocking fair and square.

-- Des

deskitty @ 2009-07-01T18:38:00

2009-07-02T01:42:34Z

Work has been a comedy of errors today. My fingers hurt from typing. I think I'm going to go home and have a drink.

I wish I had something useful to say here, other than to use it as an exercise log and political rant jar. But really, nothing terribly exciting has been happening in my life. I've settled into a routine, and my biggest problems right now are I'm lazy and I'm not meeting new and interesting people.

I need to find new ways to engage.

-- Des

Exercise Log

2009-07-01T15:19:37Z

I've been bad about actually logging exercise in here.

Since my leg is still bugging me (WTF?), I've decided to give myself the week off of running and focus on upper-body strength. (If/when I resume next week, it'll be a walk/hike, not a run/hike, until I'm confident I'm not injured somehow.) This means (for me, at least), sit-ups and push-ups.

Today I managed 40 on-my-knees push-ups and 120 sit-ups in a half an hour. This is certainly much better than I was doing, say, a year ago during my previous attempt at exercise (when I was struggling to do 30/100 in 45-60 min).

I feel like I could've pushed harder today, but due to past rather negative experiences with strength-building, I'm taking that part of it slowly. I don't want to go into heavy mood swings again -- those are just Not Fun.

In other news, I didn't make it to Pride last weekend. :/ (Bad bi boy, I know.) But I did get a fair amount of stuff cleaned up around the apartment.

Also, my fingers are getting worse again. If this trend continues, I'm going in to the doc and asking for physical therapy. And I might need to make some arrangements with work, but we'll see.

Now, off to the shower!

-- Des

Obama = Bush #2? Maybe...

2009-06-27T17:29:05Z

This whole thing stinks to high heaven. Imprisoning people indefinitely flies in the face of the Rule of Law, not to mention Due Process rights in the Constitution.

Our Constitutional Scholar president should be aware of, and understand this. If he chooses to ignore it, that will send a strong and very negative message about him and his administration.

The guy is starting to look more and more like an eloquent, slimier version of Bush. Bush, at least, was reasonably honest about what he was doing -- Obama, not so much. Obama so far has failed at living up to his promises on LGBT rights, and it seems likely he will fail again on more general civil rights -- such as the right to a fair trial.

It seems like the latter is one of the few things all Americans, Republican or Democrat, should be able to agree on. It is extremely disappointing that Obama seems to be ignoring this.

[Edit: I've added a link to Americablog's breakdown of the brief the Justice Department in federal court defending the Defense of Marriage Act in the text above. Please read it before commenting.]

-- Des

Exercise Log

2009-06-17T19:28:49Z

For both Monday and Wednesday. I've switched to an MWF schedule, and I'm trying to do stuff in the mornings to see if it makes my day better or worse. (So far, it's neutral.)

Monday was lowering-myself push-ups (so resistance on the down part, no up part), sit-ups, and Albany Hill. Did 10 push-ups, 20 sit-ups, and ran most of the way there and back (say, 40 minutes of active running or hill-climbing). I did quite well, and felt appropriately sore afterward (except for my abs -- I need to work on my sit-up form better, or something).

Wednesday--this morning--wasn't nearly as good. My legs/ankles were complaining of muscle fatigue almost from the start, so I didn't run nearly as much as I did on Monday. I ended up walking half the route home due to soreness. Had similar problems with push-ups, and I still haven't figured out what I need to do for sit-ups.

In short, my body's repair cycle seems to last longer than 48 hours. This does not bode well for doing an every-other-day schedule.

I've been told I need to have a concentrated stretching session on days off. I'll give that a try, but I was already stretching quite a bit yesterday, so I don't know.

-- Des

Reposting Deleted Comment

2009-06-09T19:36:56Z

I left a comment on luphinus' post about the fur dealer at Califur, which he saw fit to delete. I'm reposting it here, along with his (similarly deleted) response.

[As a quick side note, I automatically repost things like that on the theory that if someone gets upset enough to actually delete it, it obviously had enough of an impact to make it worth keeping around. Plus, I'm not a fan of censorship in general, particularly where it concerns civil discussion. I won't delete comments in my journal--unless they are patently abusive, or spam--for this reason.

I thought about not posting it, as I don't want to spread drama. But, (a) I feel pretty strongly about the censorship thing, and (b) it's funny in a tragic sort of way. >.> I trust those of you who read this to treat it for what it is -- silliness.]

My comment follows:

I am not going to take a position on this, because without talking to Califur and the vendor himself I simply don't have enough information to do so.

I'm assuming, based on your subsequent reactions, you are not aware of how your initial post was received, and were surprised when your outrage was met with sarcasm and laughter. As someone who was tempted to respond similarly, let me try to explain.

You had the opportunity to start a calm, reasoned discussion on this subject -- a discussion that may have yielded something positive on both sides, either by getting the vendor evicted once a consensus is reached, or by providing you with more information to dispel any incorrect assumptions you might hold.

Instead of starting that discussion, however, you chose to engage in name-calling and drama-whoring of the "ZOMG YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME SO I'VE LOST RESPECT FOR YOU" variety, even going so far as to list off the individuals you feel have wronged you, as if they are supposed to care if you've "lost respect" for them.

And yet you wonder why people don't take you seriously, why they respond with sarcasm. It's because from your very first post, you have managed to incite stereotypical furry drama while adding very little useful discussion to the issue at hand.

And personally, I'm irritated that once again, you are spamming me (not me directly, of course, but my friends page, Twitter feed, etc.) with dramatic bullshit. You might actually have some valid points, but if so they're impossible for me to find beneath all the BS.

I hope you consider this next time you decide to post a rant. If you don't demonstrate at least basic respect for people whose opinions are different from yours, and if you don't make, at minimum, an honest effort to back up your position with facts (as opposed to hearsay), people are much less likely to take you seriously.

His response:

Remove me from your friends page. I've already removed you from mine.

Clearly, my point sailed right past him.

-- Des

Belated Exercise Log

2009-06-05T17:03:09Z

Didn't push as hard on Albany Hill last night as I usually do, as I haven't exercised in like a week (apart from some easy stuff helping out glaurungs_spawn last weekend). Completed that in maybe an hour, then came home, did maybe 5 attempts at push-ups and sit-ups (hard ones, though -- for push-ups I just lowered myself, kept my muscles engaged and counted to 5), then called it a night.

Thinking I should bump up the planned frequency, as about half the time I only seem to manage to get it done once a week. Maybe just try to do push-ups/sit-ups MWF and running/hiking TR, or vice versa. hmmm.

-- Des

deskitty @ 2009-06-01T21:37:00

2009-06-02T04:40:23Z

So there was supposed to be a nice, long, excellently-formatted and well-laid-out post about the Prop 8 Supreme Court decision. Indeed, I did make some progress toward that end this past weekend, but well, this project has turned out to be rather time-consuming.

Also, work this week has started to seriously pick up (I think I put in a full 10 hours or so :p), and I don't expect it will get better until Friday.

I still want to write it up, because I think it's important and there are some interesting precedents being set that I want to explore. But unfortunately, it may have to wait yet another week. :/

We'll see...

-- Des

Prop8-Related Links

2009-05-30T18:15:44Z

In an effort to clear out my browser tabs, I'm going to throw some interesting Proposition 8 links out here -- some of these I've collected from Twitter, or from friends, or weblogs, but all of them are worth reading. I linked to a few of them in my post yesterday, but I feel they're worth repeating here. I'll update this list as I find more.

Pam's House Blend: The Master's Tools (part 1)
Pam's House Blend: The Master's Tools (part 2)
This is an excellent article, in two parts, discussing homophobia in the black community, how homophobia is intertwined with race, and how all of this affects gay marriage. He also discusses the impact of Christianity -- how black churches foster a strong sense of life-long community while forcing LGBTs to stay firmly in the closet. It's written by a black gay man, who is married to his white husband.

Stop8.org
"Stop8.org monitors the news for coverage about civil marriage equality in California. We also produce original video and editorial content, and advise organizations on conducting online outreach."

Huffington Post: Evan Wolfson: Today is Freedom to Marry day - Just Don't Say "Gay Marriage"!
An editorial on why we should talk about the "freedom to marry", and not "gay marriage". His position is that asking for "gay marriage" makes it sound as if we're asking for something different than what straights already have, and lends credence to the opposition's assertion that we're asking for "special rights".

Marriage Equality USA
"Marriage Equality USA, is an all-volunteer, national non-profit organization whose mission is to secure legally recognized civil marriage equality for all, at the federal and state level, without regard to gender identity or sexual orientation."

Facts (from Let California Ring)
"Here is a brief summary of events that granted – and then halted and put into question – the legal right to marry for gay and lesbian couples in California, as well as a recap of similar efforts around the country."

Daily Kos: Read page 36. They just cut Prop 8 to the bone.
Daily Kos takes a look at the Supreme Court decision, and discovers some rather surprising implications for gay civil rights in what the justices wrote.

Ted Olson goes to court on behalf of gay marriage
A brief news article on the federal lawsuit that was filed to overturn Proposition 8, and why it was filed.

Pam's House Blend: The complex questions about the marriage equality movement and the Olson/Boies federal lawsuit
This discusses the federal lawsuit, and why or why not such a lawsuit right now is a good idea. The strategy thus far has been to avoid filing a federal lawsuit until Obama has had a chance to replace some of the justices on the Supreme Court with less conservative individuals. This lawsuit throws a monkey wrench in that plan, and we have to take a second look at our strategy in light of it.

Positive Liberty: Jason Kuznicki: The Prop 8 Decision
A brief, if somewhat more scholarly treatment of the Prop 8 court decision, and how it is a direct result of California and Progressive politics and ideology.

Pam's House Blend: When Love's Not Enough
When a good friend comes to dinner, and makes well-meaning but hurtful comments about marriage equality, how does one respond? How do we communicate with good Christians who just don't understand why legal recognition is important for gay couples?

Huffington Post: Stinson Carter: When the People Are Wrong -- A Son's Defense of His Father's Gay Marriage
A short personal story of acceptance as a family.

libba_bray: There is nothing wrong with you
Some thoughts about growing up in the Deep South, with a gay father who was outed while in the Army. She also discusses and refutes some of the arguments against marriage equality.

rainhopperroo: Roo is hurt
Another personal story, in which his husband died due to medical error. Without a legally-recognized marriage, he did not have the standing necessary to challenge the doctor's clearly incorrect diagnosis and get his husband the medical care he required.

-- Des

Personal Thoughts on Prop 8

2009-05-29T07:14:43Z

Back in November, when Proposition 8 won the popular vote, I wrote down some of my thoughts and feelings in the form of a letter to the State of California. At the time, I remember feeling angry, depressed, frustrated, and disappointed... and I share some of those feelings to a greater or lesser degree, now. I'm tired of being a second-class citizen, of living under a government that proclaims, "Equal rights for all! (Except for the gays.)".

I went to the protest in San Francisco on Tuesday. I did so because all those personal reasons aside, I have a duty to every LGBT person alive.

I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that a friend had to remind me of this duty. My excuse is that I am tired -- tired of being angry and frustrated and depressed, and tired of speaking to people who just don't understand that the current system hurts people--sometimes very badly--and feeling as though I'm banging my head against a brick wall.

Listen to me--there is nothing wrong with [us]. [We] are not sick, and [we] are not wrong, and God does not hate [us]. -- Milk

So I went, to be present and to add myself to the count of those willing to stand up for civil rights. I went to hear and discuss what's planned for 2010 and beyond; to help get ready for the battles ahead. I didn't go to protest the Supreme Court ruling -- it is what it is, and objections to it, at this point, are useless. In some respects, I think the Supreme Court had to make the decision it did, but I'll talk about that in another post.

I hope, time permitting, I'll be able to take a more active role this time. I know the best thing I can do is to out myself: "to live as an example of an out, successful bisexual man." My story, and the stories of countless other LGBTs--many of whom have endured discrimination of a nature far worse than I--need to be told. Our work is not done until no fewer than every single one of Earth's children understands the violence and hatred that is embodied in the meaning of the word "faggot".

Compassion is the most powerful instrument of all. It will stamp out anger, fear, and even hatred. We must share our stories, and we must be willing to listen to those shared with us.

Everything else will follow.

-- Des

Exercise Log

2009-05-29T02:49:47Z

Tuesday: The Prop 8 protest march was on Tuesday, so I used the opportunity to do quite a bit of walking around (net: from work near Embarcadero to the Castro). Didn't time it or anything like that, but kept up a good pace and burned a lot of energy.

Thursday: Relatively quick work-outy-thing at home since (a) I have a lot of other stuff to do, and (b) I kinda screwed up my food schedule, so I didn't have enough energy to push very hard. :/

I hate upper-body work. Hate hate hate.

Did like 40 ... sit-ups? crunches? whatever sit-ups are called when you don't have anything underneath your back at the bottom. Those were interspersed with 60 of a pushup-like motion against a wall (with the angle sufficiently unfavorable so as to force my muscles to do at least some work). High-energy dancing (probably at the level of jogging) at the beginning and end.

The whole thing probably lasted less than a half-hour. Arms are definitely tired, and I never can tell with my abs until the next day.

Also: I started to get a mild headache (which, I've learned, is my body's way of saying "STOP before you get fucked up"). It's food time.

-- Des

Memorial Weekend

2009-05-26T18:18:28Z

This was a surprisingly eventful memorial day weekend, for not having been planned in advance.

Friday night, yelang, blauzahl and I went out and grabbed dinner, and ended up going to an Ethiopian place that was quite tasty. I got to experience the wonders of Tej (all the alcohol you could want, with a sweet fruit-juice taste!), which got me mildly drunk after one glass.

Saturday, blauzahl and I were going to meet up with someone from KDE IRC who was in town (but bailed on us -- the silly person). Instead, netolu came up for the day, and we ran around getting lunch, and then went for an afternoon hike in Briones. (We started hiking at about 5, and got back to the cars around 7, 7:30 -- with over an hour of daylight left, no less!) That was fun -- we all got a couple hours' exercise in, and saw some pretty California Nature before heading into Walnut Creek (and Mel's) for dinner.

Sunday was a lazy day. If I did much of anything, I don't remember. I think I spent a lot of time cleaning, and recuperating from the craziness of the day before. I had intended to work on my note-taking app, but PyKDE decided not to work for some obscure reason I haven't been able to figure out.

On Monday, I drove down to Santa Cruz to visit glaurungs_spawn, since I missed seeing him on Saturday. (He'd come up for an unrelated thing, and our schedules just didn't sync up.) Because it's the two of us, we spent a lot of time looking at each other and going, "What do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" Finally, we started driving, heading up hwy 9 and into big basin, then back out along Bear Creek to hwy 17, before returning to his mom's house for dinner.

I think I covered something like 250 miles yesterday. (Add that in to the 160 miles from Sat, and I managed to put a whopping 410 miles on my car. :/) Most of yesterday's driving was insanely fun, though -- hwy 17 (at least, with little traffic) is always a treat to drive, and we found many twisty, fun, and sparsely-populated back roads heading through the Santa Cruz mountains.

After we made it back to his mom's and had dinner, we headed back down into town for Star Trek. I dragged him along, as I'm probably the only geek who had yet to see it. Well... I've seen it now. I'll reserve what I think about it for another post.

>>>

Now I'm sitting on the BART train, just pulling out of West Oakland, and realizing I probably didn't need to put on my fleece, as the Bay Area seems to have decided it's going to be warm today. There's a straight couple sitting up at the front of the train -- the boy seems very intent on making kissy-faces at the girl, who's looking everywhere but at him. He seems totally oblivious to this, chattering away while repeatedly kissing her on the cheek, her mouth, her neck, and who knows where else.

We're in the tube now, and the train driver just announced that we're travelling slowly because there's a train up ahead at Montgomery which is having issues. Hopefully they get the train cleared -- otherwise we'll get backed up behind Embarcadero in the tube, and that's never fun.

She's cuddling him now, though, so it must be all good.

-- Des

Exercise Log

2009-05-22T03:47:50Z

Albany Hill.

I punted -- either I started out too quickly, or I just wasn't fully recovered from my run on Tues. By the time I got to Pacific East my ankles/shins were hurting. Since I like not injuring myself, I decided to reduce to a walk and finished the route (up the hill and back down) walking.

Briefly considered making tonight an upper-body night, but honestly, my mood wasn't that great to start with, and punting certainly didn't help. So I'm gonna relax for a bit and get dinner.

On the plus side, I barely broke a sweat climbing the hill. When I first started doing this, I was usually panting by the time I got to the top. So... progress! Whoo! Or something.

I should probably make Tues be running, and Thurs be upper-body, or vice versa. I'm undecided. Eventually, I want to go to Mon-Wed-Fri, or Tues-Thurs-Sun, or something like that... but if today is any indication, that's a ways off yet.

I should start writing about my mental state, as well as my physical state in here again. Seems like I haven't done that in a while. Maybe because things are relatively quiet (or at least stuck) mentally, and the real "struggles" in my life at the moment are physical.

Speaking of which, my finger-joint pain has started to flare up again. I ordered a Kinesis keyboard for work (similar to the one I have at home), and ran around to three different stores today trying to find stress balls that I can squeeze to work the muscles in my hands more. Sadly, none of the stores had them. But I'm starting to get scared that I'm doing, or have done, long-term, permanent damage to myself already, and it's just a matter of falling back and falling back until a couple decades from now (when I'm, say, 40) I can't type anymore.

Call it a product of my mood, but these things worry me sometimes.

-- Des

Exercise Log

2009-05-20T06:01:35Z

Quickly, since bedtime is soon.

I skipped last week due to being in a bad (unmotivated) mood.

I did Albany Hill again, and this was the best one yet. 45 minutes of almost constant running/jogging/hiking up a hill, starting from outside my front door, and ending back there again. I think it's also one of my faster (if not the fastest) times for Albany Hill.

Had an energy bar before I left, and a glass of juice when I got back. I'm only just now sitting down to a light dinner (1 egg, with avocado and feta) before I read for a while and then sleep.

My headspace during the session was pretty bad -- going into angry, negative thought loops and dwelling there. But I seemed to recover fairly quickly afterward, and haven't noticed any lingering moodiness.

So I think I can call today a success. =)

-- Des

Exercise Log

2009-05-08T03:58:52Z

Went out for a walk this time--nothing strenuous--as I've had a sore throat for the past couple of days and I didn't want to push too hard. While I was out, I kinda felt like I wanted to push harder, but now that I'm back (and tired), I'm glad I didn't.

Went out to Eastshore this time, which is a lot more level than Albany Hill. It's a little... jetty, I guess, that juts out into the bay. So I was able to walk along the water, smell the sea breeze, and generally enjoy the evening. So I'm feeling pretty good, on the whole... sore throat notwithstanding.

I'd forgotten how much I enjoy being near the water. It's very calming, and a different feeling from accomplishing a hill.

It was a nice change.

-- Des

Exercise Log

2009-05-06T03:19:35Z

The usual hike/run routine. I think last time went better, but I feel more tired after this one. It was all I could do to drag my butt back from the hill walking. Was also soaked (literally, most of my T-shirt was soaked through) with sweat.

I tried fruit (a banana) last time, so this time I figured I'd try fruit+protein, in the form of Jamba Juice. It wasn't any better -- if anything, it was worse, because I didn't wait long enough and started getting cramps at the beginning. My body definitely responds better to fat and (more) protein, so the adage about drinking juice or Gatorade or whatnot before running just doesn't hold true for me.

The cramps were mild and passed fairly quickly, though. Even still, I was mildly light-headed for most of the trip up until the very end, when exhaustion took over and my brain stopped paying all but the barest attention to what my eyes were seeing.

I ran the latter part of the way out, and the first part of the way back. I dropped back mostly to walking while climbing the hill, as I was already pretty winded by this point, and then ran on the more gentle up/downslopes near the top. As I started running home, I could tell that if I kept pushing myself, I'd be risking moodiness later, so I dropped back to walking a bit before the halfway point.

My running this time was intervals, though -- walk for a couple minutes, then RUN hard until I started hyperventilating. Then slow down and keep walking until my body had made up the oxygen debt, lather, rinse, repeat. If the amount of sweat is any indication, that was a more intense workout, even though it only lasted 25 minutes or so.

I should note that at no point during this or last time did I have to stop and rest. I spent the whole trip moving, which is a good thing.

-- Des

deskitty @ 2009-04-30T23:27:00

2009-05-01T06:52:23Z

I'm "supposed" to be writing about LFNW and my trip to Seattle (actually, Bellingham) last weekend, but blauzahl has already done that. [As an aside, I just navigated from the LJ post window, to her journal, to the correct post, then copy/pasted the link back into the post window using only the keyboard. Neat!]

I will write about LFNW, but later.

For the moment, I'm relaxing, chatting with a few friends on AIM, and enjoying the evening. I went hiking/running earlier, and now I'm content to sit, sip my juice and think about friends close and distant.

This weekend, I'll be heading up to Sacramento to enjoy the rain and friendly company. I'm looking forward to that.

-- Des