January 25th, 2007

Conbadge

Meditation

Started out the session feeling tense and warm all over my body, breathing fast, heart pumping.

We had a mini-earthquake (at least, I assume that's what it was) which startled me. I immediately began having daydreams about what would happen if a giant earthquake or volcano occurred; where I would go, what I would do, etc. Lost the count.

Picked the count back up again, and focused on my breath, which was still coming quickly. I felt anxious; I wanted to move on to the next breath, and the next, and the next. I was barely paying attention to one because I was busy anticipating the next.

At one point, my AIM client chirped. [I had evidently forgotten to set my away message.] I wanted very much to stop the session, get up and see who it was. I observed this impulse, and the tightening in my chest that came with it. It passed in relatively short order.

Gradually, my breath and heart rate slowed to normal levels. I began to microsleep periodically, losing the count a couple more times. At one point, I snapped my head up to realize I had fallen asleep for several whole breaths. I sat up straighter, took a deep breath (which I used as the first breath of a new count). My breathing came slightly faster, but then I started to drift a bit again.

Then the bell rang, I completed the set, and stood up.

-- Des
Conbadge

Sotired.

Feeling very bushed, though I haven't done much this week.

Part of that is due to post-con emo, part to getting sick, part to having missed a couple days meditating while at con, and part to just being lazy coming back to work. :p

I was somewhat more productive today, though, so I'm feeling genuinely tired as opposed to merely lethargic/apathetic. In some ways, it's a good feeling. Certainly better than being tired.

Wondering what to do with myself tonight/tomorrow night/this weekend. Part of me wants to be social, but part of me looks at the list of things I have to do/want to do, most of which are solitary activities.

For instance, I kinda want to visit with darkone238 and amranx tonight [Is it drama-conducive to even mention this?], but I know I have to go to Costco, do dishes, finish cleaning, etc. As I told him earlier today, I'm also trying to give Dark his space.

Iunno. Guess we'll see. I'm getting tired of making decisions by not making them, so I will decide one way or another before I leave work.

-- Des
  • Current Music
    Kaskade - Close
Conbadge

Meditation

"One"... in, out... "two"... in, out... nod off... "Whups, where was I?"
"One"... in, out... "two"... in, out... nod off... "Whups, where was I?"
...

-- Des