Just remember, kids, if you don't have a Significant Other, you're not worth anything. Why? Because you don't engage in the mass consumerism that is Valentine's Day. People like you are the reason companies like Hallmark are going bankrupt.
So get out there and enjoy yourself! And remember ... Valentine's day: It's Not Just for Couples.
This message brought to you by the damn-I-wish-I-were-double department, eggs, and the number 7.