I've outgrown this apartment. The Sanctuary has been--and still is--a wonderful place to live ... but there are lots of little things here (like the water and the heat) that bug me. Everytime I drive my Jeep, I think about driving northing's M3. Everytime I wait for my laptop to have long, involved conversations about Gods-know-what with its hard disk, I think about dual, dual-core Opteron workstations.
I want a job (so I can have money and feel good about doing something "productive"). I want tons of free time to run around and see people. I want to be able to pick up and leave on a road trip for a week with 5 minutes' notice. I hate doing this meaningless school shit, and I'm even a bit burned out on MetaFS.
I'm having trouble accepting my world as it is. I hate it when this happens.
(See? One more thing I'm not accepting. ;P)
I'm still thinking about transitioning to WildDesKitty. A full move wouldn't be practical, but I could move some of the more personal stuff (like LJ and AIM) relatively easily. I'm comfortable with CondorDes, but the "Condor" just isn't me. "Wild" is me sometimes, and "Kitty" is me all the time. ;P
I think I've mentioned this before ... but I keep having the recurring thought that I should create an LJ community for victims of homophobic hatred/violence. Every time I read about or see things like those two poor Iranian boys who were murdered for being gay (yes, it's murder, even if a government does it) ... it just reinforces that idea. It makes me want to do something to help these people.
The community (which I'm going to tentatively call "queer_victims", but see below) would be a safe space for those who have experienced physical, mental or emotional violence because of their orientation. It would be a community for sharing experiences, for compassion, for love and for healing. It would also be (secondarily) for those who seek to understand the effects of such hatred.
There are a couple problems, though. First, I'm not particularly thrilled about the name "queer_victims". The word "victim" bugs me. There are plenty of people out there who are pathologically addicted to playing the victim role; people who aren't willing to move past the hurt they have sustained, people who are emotionally invested in their pain and need to spread it around to feel validated. I don't want to encourage these people to join, because I would be concerned they would bring down the rest of the community.
On the other hand ... I don't have any better ideas for names.
The second "problem" (well, it isn't really, but it is) is that I myself have never been the direct victim of such violence. Sure, there was the homophobic lawn display on campus last year, but that was directed at everyone, not just me. Everyone I've come out to was accepting (except my mom, but that's a more complex issue), I've never been physically or verbally threatened ... I've been pretty damn lucky.
So I don't know that I could moderate that community with the understanding and compassion that would be necessary. I am concerned that creating it would be a well-meaning-but-misguided effort. I am concerned about the eventual character of the community ... I don't want to be too callous (either intentionally or unintentionally, because I've never "been there"), and at the same time I'm concerned about the possibility of "professional victims" showing up.
I value your thoughts on this, particularly if you're GLBT and have been a victim of homophobia in the past.