Des (deskitty) wrote,
Des
deskitty

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Inner Child and Anger

It's raining a bit here. This is good, because I need some help finding my center.

>>>

My inner child is all upset again... I have to take a STAT midterm tomorrow, and he wants nothing to do with it. He's throwing temper tantrums at every practice problem, trying to make the midterm go away by loudly demanding I ignore it with all my might.

Until fairly recently, my solution has been to ignore him, to tell him to shut up, sit in the corner and be quiet, because it's the night before the test and I'm damn well not going to waste time dealing with a whiny little brat that has no real reason to complain.

Except ... well, it should be fairly obvious why this method doesn't work. It gets me through studying and the test, sure, but it's a nasty experience which leaves me the worse for wear.

I read a quote recently by Thich Nhat Hanh. He said something to the effect of: when anger/frustration comes to visit, welcome it, embrace it, take care of it. Treat it as you would a distraught child. Say, "Hello, anger, I'm going to take care of you.". Anger responds to love.

Like most humans, I'm exceedingly bad at doing this... we generally become our emotions; they take us over, and we forget where we are and what we're doing. (In fact, most of the time, I'm not aware of who I am, or what I'm doing.) So it's really hard to separate myself and respond to my own anger in a positive way. The best I seem to be able to manage consistently is to push the anger aside and deny it permission to control my actions toward others.

So I sit here, staring at my Statistics textbook, doing nothing except listening to my inner child rant on and on about tests and Statistics and school and how much he hates them.

Finally, I had to stop, and write this. And as I sit here writing, I come to the realization that I have absolutely no idea how to care for my anger and frustration. I have no idea how to comfort and soothe it, how to respond to it in a positive way.

The problem is, I don't have time to drop what I'm doing right now, and start reading up on how to take care of it. I have a STAT test in the morning, and if I don't know about things like confidence intervals and estimators, I'm going to be screwed.

But if I don't have time now, when will I ever?

-- Des
Tags: anger
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