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The new quarter has begun. - The Desian Universe
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Mon, Mar. 27th, 2006 08:52 pm
The new quarter has begun.

So far, the first day has just confirmed my assessment about class. This quarter is going to be both boring and annoying, not to mention a lot of work. I don't know how well 12 units + a job + staying sane will work.


I'm pretty much thinking at this point I'll have to drop GLBU. There are some good people in there, and I have the honor of counting a couple of them as my friends. But I just don't feel like I'm accomplishing or contributing much of anything. Most of what GLBU does is of a social nature, except not. I don't have any interest in things like Open House or Pride, because while they do increase the visibility of GLBT people, they're really events structured for GLBT people who are out. I keep feeling as though we're ignoring the not-insignificant minority who haven't come out yet, or are struggling to accept themselves.

But I don't really know what to do for them. I don't know how to reach out and offer them what they need to come to terms with themselves, and with the world around them. I think the GLBT community in general is doing a horrible job of this.

It seems as if there's a tendency among minority groups to look inward -- to focus on themselves to the exclusion of an outside world that views them negatively. This isn't really surprising. But at the same time, it only hurts them. If most individuals in that minority form their own exclusionary clique, those outside it will have many fewer opportunities to identify with and learn to show compassion for the minority.

Anyway, that's sort of a tangent, perhaps worthy of exploring in a different post. I think right now I'm just trying to justify to myself the preliminary decision to drop GLBU.


Sean was here (as in, here-here) for most of the weekend. That was fun, but still weird in so many ways. Sometimes I think of us as being together-together, but ... not. Like, he's been up here often enough that I catch myself while shopping in Food4Less going, "hmmm, I should call him and see if he wants X".

It's curious, this cycle of death and rebirth. Like, at any given point, it always seems that more relationships are dying than growing in my world. I know of a couple people who have lost or are close to losing SOs, but nobody who's really growing them. I guess Sean and I have a relationship of sorts, but ... ::shrug::

All relationships end sooner or later. If nothing else, death does them in. But people are constantly growing, and changing. So it's almost impossible for me to see how two people can stay in a relationship for very long (where "very long" is defined as something like 10-20 years). I can't see how people can commit to each other for life. If they do, won't the constraints force them to become stagnant?

I don't know. I see a lot of stagnance, even (especially?) in myself. And yes, you can grow together, as a couple, but both are still unique individuals. So, almost by definition, they will grow in different ways. The probability that they will remain compatible seems vanishingly small. (But what do I know? I haven't managed to keep friends more than 4 or 5 years.)

When I look at it from that perspective -- when I look at it with the idea that relationships are transitory things, prone to growing and dying at random, it makes a lot more sense. Plus, it conforms with my experience of reality -- all of the high school friends I've had are gone. A number of the college ones are too. But those have been replaced by new friendships, and I'm sure those too will fade, in time.

But you know... I think that's OK. At least for now, it's OK.


I have more thoughts, but my brain is getting drifty, so I think that's enough for now. More later this week, maybe.

-- Des

Current Mood: depressed depressed


Tue, Mar. 28th, 2006 01:54 pm (UTC)

Pretty much all minority groups have a tension between those who want to reach out to the mainstream for acceptance and those who want to embrace and enjoy their otherness. In my neck of the woods the political groups seem to take it as given that queer society is separate and distinct from straight society, which I don't like very much, for several reasons.

I don't know much about relationships, but I know my parents have managed to make one work for something like 40 years despite being very different in a lot of ways. So it's possible....somehow.

Tue, Mar. 28th, 2006 03:30 pm (UTC)

I think a lot of the trick is not so much being the same, but being able to apply your differences in such a way to make almost a single unit that is stronger than either person would be alone.

ReplyThread Parent
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 02:23 am (UTC)

I'm more concerned with how the differences evolve over time. Indeed, I've heard it said on a number of occasions (and I believe it) that the key to successful long-term relationship is managing the changes that occur in yourself and your partner, and responding to them in a constructive and healthy way.

I think differences themselves are pretty easy, as long as they remain things both people can accept. (heh ... that's true almost by definition.)

ReplyThread Parent
Thu, Mar. 30th, 2006 02:20 am (UTC)

mmm. I think we can both reach out and preserve our individuality at the same time. But it's a tricky problem.

I'm sure good relationships are possible. I just don't see how they can be very probable. ;)

ReplyThread Parent