Des (deskitty) wrote,


I meditated. The exercise was to sit, repeatedly counting up to 10, incrementing with each inhalation or exhalation.

At first, my breathing felt pretty constrained, and my back hurt a bit. I shifted around quite a bit while sitting, too. I started off with my legs crossed, then uncrossed them, and left them folded parallel to the floor, with both knees resting on the floor. That arched my back a bit more, which reduced the pain.

My breath relaxed a little bit, but was still pretty constrained even toward the end of the session. I think I sat for 10 minutes.

I thought a lot while I was sitting, first about meditating, then about thinking, which made me giggle mentally, because I could be thinking about thinking about thinking, and so on. I started to write this LJ post in my head; I remember feeling that was a bad thing because I was "supposed to be following my breath".

Towards the beginning, I lost the count a few times, and started over from 1 again. I kept the count more toward the end, though.


My promise to myself this year is to meditate every day, preferably for at least 15 minutes. (This last session was roughly 10.) At least at first, after each sitting, I'm going to write a short blurb about it in LJ. When I write, though, I'm not allowed to use any judgemental terms whatsoever. I cannot refer to my meditation as "good", or "bad", or even use more subtle terms such as "focused" and "unfocused". I'm just going to describe what happened.

Having an expectation about one's meditation is similar to having an expectation about the outcome of a scientific experiement -- you tend to look for data that supports your conclusion, and throw out the data that would otherwise suggest your conclusion is inaccurate.

If I happen to use a term of comparison in one of my meditation posts, please let me know. The goal is to release myself from making any sort of expectation-based judgement or comparison about my meditation; my own experience--along with general Buddhist knowledge--suggests that such judgements are counterproductive.


-- Des
Tags: meditation

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