Des (deskitty) wrote,

  • Mood:

Blah Blah Blabity Blah

I think I know what my (latest) problem is...

I'm restless again. All the signs are there... I'm thinking about things I want to do, and getting frustrated. I changed my window manager, yet again. I'm driving way too fast and taking too many chances on the freeway (or I was, until I noticed that and stopped it). And I'm spending way too much money on frivolous shit that I probably don't need (like upgrading to 5 static IPs instead of 1 dynamic... 3 of which I already have a "use" for...).

Right now I'm just kinda...blah. I've been "blah" for the past couple of weeks. I've been procrastinating, too (you'll note there still isn't a post about last weekend). I've been ranting about pointless shit, and mostly keeping my brain on autopilot.

I'm checked out of school. I haven't been paying attention to my homework, or to any of the other menial tasks that seem to define my day-to-day existence. (The layer of grime on my bathroom counter is about an inch thick now...) I've been coming home in the afternoons (often at 13:30, depending on when my last class is) and doing...what? Not schoolwork, certainly. Usually just moping around online, or talking to random people on AIM. Or tweaking my machine's configuration.

I haven't even been out looking for a job. Truthfully, I don't even know where to start. All the jobs I've had are jobs that have pretty much fallen into my lap, mainly through personal contacts. I'm going to have to call my dad up this month and be like, "Dad, I need more money, because I don't have a job yet...", and when he asks why, I'm not going to have a satisfactory (to me) answer to give him. I'm going to have to say, "uhh, well...I just haven't been looking...".

Downtime is good, but like uptime, too much of it can become unhealthy. I don't know, though; I guess my current form of downtime is preferable to any uptime I might have. At least, it seems that way.

Tonight is the first night I actually did anything resembling homework. I was proud of myself. It's nowhere near done (and due tomorrow)... but I'm making progress. I think I can finish it before class.

Right now I'm Not really frustrated, or depressed (I've been mildly both of those things over the past couple of weeks), but not particularly happy or upbeat, either. I'm just existing; which is neither bad, nor good.

Hah... I'm not even romantically/sexually motivated. But then, that was never the real problem anyway.

In a word: Blah.

-- Des

 22:53:28 up 20 days,  3:35,  2 users,  load average: 0.02, 0.01, 0.00

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