So I've been feeling rabidly antisocial this past week. I don't even remember what I did this weekend, except I think it had something to do with driving up to the Bay Area and back. Though that might have been the weekend before... I'm starting to get my weeks confused now. Before I was just getting days of the week confused...now it's whole weeks.

So, there was Denny's and beach on Monday night and Tuesday afternoon, respectively. I overtaxed myself Tuesday, had the allergies kick in Tuesday night, (stupidly) didn't take anything for them, and ended up having to stay home all day Wednesday recuperating.

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queueball called, and we talked about life. Perhaps the thing that struck me most in talking to him is that we're in similar positions; just doing what we do day-to-day, not really getting much out of it. But hey, I guess it works for now... until we find something better to do. I just hope I don't get bored of looking for something better.

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My antisocialness has also extended to my desire to find a significant other... I don't know what's going on with me, but lately I just haven't been able to envision what it would be like. What *would* it be like to have an SO? I've forgotten--either that, or I never really knew. So I don't really have anything to look forward to, and thus no reason to look. I think the only reason I keep hoping is out of habit; really. There's no reason for me to hope; it's not really something I want right now.

I suppose that's OK, but at the same time, it's frustrating (like everything else). It's frustrating because I want another chance to do it right, and I want some good memories and feelings to layer on top of the nastiness that was Liz. My last "relationship" memory was a bad one, and in order to put that one behind me, I need something better to look at instead.

But I can't even envision what something "better" would look like. So even if something better walked up and smacked me in the face, I probably wouldn't know enough to take it.

Yay for emotional apathy.

-- Des

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